"You're a meany!" or "I do it because I love you."

Raising a new 9-year-old boy is not easy; especially since I've never been a boy.

Now that Tony is in a boys' choir, and in particular THIS boys' choir, I've been a little more attentive to helping him remember who is around him, what's he's doing, and how his actions affect other people; in particular a little 2-year-old girl and a 5-year-old boy.

Today we encountered another "training mission." Now that it is warm enough to (finally) be outside, the boys have quickly pulled out the softball equipment. For Alex, this is his first encounter with baseball. For Tony, I'm working with him on eyeing pitches while batting, and to pitch into the strike zone while pitching. In our yard, we always pitch underhand.

I was up to hit at pitches Tony was sending over or around the plate. But he decided to joke around a bit, which I was not in the mood for as I was trying to coach him. First he faked an underhand pitch and sent it flying overhand; next he aimed right for my feet and sent a rolling ball into my toes.

I picked up the ball, walked over to him and told him I couldn't trust him as a pitcher, so he could go to the outfield. Of course he wasn't happy and went to the edge of the yard to pout.

So I told everyone it was time to go inside. How he howled! He started to storm into the house but I called him back to pick up supplies. He grabbed a base with such vengeance it went flying out of his hands. It appeared he had thrown it. I told him because of his actions, the younger ones now think it is OK to throw stuff when mad.

He went inside. After I closed the garage door I came in where he stood waiting for me. "You are a meany! I feel like you abuse me!" he hollered in an obvious attempt to lay a guilt trip.

I got nose to nose to him and quietly but firmly asked him if he really wanted to see what abuse was.*

"No," he admitted in a small voice.

"I don't abuse you," I told him as I stepped back and sat down. Softening the tone of my voice I added, "Do want to know why so many people say you are a good boy, and why the founder and the Executive Director of the choir say they really like you? Do you want to know why you have a good reputation at church? It's because of what happened outside just now. It's because I'm not afraid to correct flaws in your behavior. Because of the discipline you received outside just now, you will be a better boy later. And, because of the discipline outside, you will be more trustworthy to handle the expectations of a being an upper choirboy in matters of responsibility, conduct and behavior." I wasn't sure if this was a good thing to say; it is what came out of my mouth.

Tony thought of that for a second, gave me a hug and told me, "Mom, thanks for the discipline." Then he ran off to apologize for his behavior to Alex and DeeDee.


* Please don't think I was really going to strike my child. Rather; I was going to take him to the internet to see pictures of abused children (there are a couple) and also share with him some recent local stories of victims. Perhaps Tony would have gotten a 50 -100 word assignment to write about physical abuse.