To Be or Not To Be

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Why back before Tony began choir, I wondered how interested members of my congregation would be in starting a Pathfinder (think scouts) club. The Youth Committee of our church empowered me to do some research and I discovered there is a lot of interest, "if someone else will lead." Our congregation has a lot of ethnic diversity; mostly African and Russian join us regular Americans in our services each week. They, the Kenyan Africans are especially known for their vibrant and dynamic club spirit, yet they are not wanting step up and take charge here.

In an effort to make this club happened, I said I would be willing to be a CO-leader. I didn't want to take all the leadership position because 1) Homeschooling is a full-time job; 2)Angelo doesn't feel up to sharing the responsibility with me; 3) I've been a director in the past with other clubs as well as being the kid of a Pathfinder director so I know what kind of stress this is as well as what it does to kids.

Turns out there is an older guy, KG, in our church who has been a leader in the past. He is very passionate about getting a club started, but....
"But, I live 40 miles away, so I'm not sure I can make it to every meeting."
"But, I'm leaving with my mom to spend the winter in Arizona."
"But I'm older know and I don't know if I have the strength to handle today's kids."
"But..."

Fast forward through the winter. Tony joins the boys' choir and is committed to that. My Kenyan "I'll help" people have all of a sudden disappeared or changed their schedule. So, nothing has happened. Now my "anchor" families are uprooting. One is in another state with her kids for the summer; her brother, who happens to be Lee (of M and Lee) is looking to get a job in another state, so the chances of them moving soon are pretty good.

Frankly I have second thoughts about even being a co-leader. So much so that I went to the Youth Committee vice-chair and explained my thoughts and concerns. She agreed to talk with other key board members and recommend that I be removed from the Pathfinder feasibility committee.

That same day, KG shows up immediately seeks me out asking what has happened with the Pathfinder club. I have to tell him the truth. Nothing. I could not tell him I'd asked to resign from the committee as it had not been made official. KG was a bit agitated at this news and started going to this person and that person asking if they would stay after our fellowship dinner so he could have a meeting. Most of them didn't stay, so he came back to me and asked what we could do.

Since I'm the bulletin secretary I suggested he have an announcement put into the bulletin about a meeting so interested people could gather together and discuss the idea. To give people time to plan, I suggested it be in for two weeks with the meeting taking place the second week - which is May 3rd.

May 3rd is Tony's big Spring Concert. We have to leave immediately after church so he can eat, get into his uniform and get to the event on time, so we won't be at that Pathfinder meeting.

Why don't I just come right and say, "KG, other events have come into our life that makes Pathfinders rather difficult for me right now."? Because 1)He is so passionate about this that to him, nothing is more important. 2)If I try to explain to him WHY Pathfinders is not on the top of my agenda, I know he won't understand the reasons of letting Tony participate in a community based boys' choir AND allow Tony to participate in choir events on Sabbath.

I guess there's an element of embarrassment as well. As many people can tell you; when I am committed to something; I'm committed. For me to back out of something like this is unusual and a little embarrassing. But I must go with my heart on this and say that trying to do a Pathfinder club along with home schooling, tutoring and choir chauffeuring (not to mention Saturday rehearsals should Tony make an upper choir - a time when Pathfinder events would take place) it would simply be just too much. In fact, many of the upper choir boys have said they've dropped scouts to focus on their choir music, so Tony probably wouldn't have been able to stay with the Pathfinder program for very long, anyway.

No, the issue is too complicated to explain to him, so I kept my mouth shut and hope that the Youth Committee chair will make official my resignation AND say something to KG about it.

In the end, if Tony had to choose between Pathfinders and choir he has already decided - choir it is.