Because of his concert schedule, I told Tony no reading when he went to bed last night. About fifteen minutes later I went upstairs to help Angelo with DeeDee. Tony's door was open; and, as he heard me climb the stairs I saw him quickly turn out the lights. I knew he had been reading.
Tony loves to read, and I certainly don't mind him reading, but only in the proper time and place. In bed, after I told him no is not the proper time and place. So I asked him about it.
There was the usual hemming and hawing, and finally a "I didn't hear you say no reading in bed." Well, both Angelo and I knew THAT wasn't true because both Angelo and made it clear that Tony was to go straight to bed. So Tony tried excuse number 2, "I want to improve my reading grade so I read!" That didn't fly either for Tony is already a very good reader.
"You think that is a good reason to disobey?" I asked him.
He didn't respond but his look became defiant. Angelo and I talked about what we should do. Though I really think Tony is too old for a spanking, I'm not afraid to give him one. But, I really think other options work better at his age. So I finally decided to turn Tony's two book cases around so he couldn't have access to his books.
You can imagine he didn't like this at all! "I'm leaving! You are so mean!" he yelled with sobs chocking his throat. I let him fuss awhile, praying that the walls were thick enough for the neighbors not to hear.
Finally he settled enough to talk. I talked about defiance, and the ten commandments. Tony was still upset, but this time he was convinced he was the worst kid in the world.
I gave him a big hug and explained that he was not a bad kid. I told him that because God has never stopped loving me or has ever abandoned me I will never leave Tony or I will never abandon him.
With a big sigh, Tony settled back into bed, told me he loved me, turned over, clutched his little stuffed dog and closed his eyes.
5 comments:
What I am going to say is probably going to come out wrong because in typing you can't see the body language and such, but I don't mean it in a mean way or anything. Here it goes. I think your lucky, Tony seems very well mannered. I look at other children Tony's age, and though it isn't good that Tony didn't listen to you, at least it was something that isn't bad to do. But it is good that you take care of the situations the way you do, because I think it will stop future bad behavior. Sorry if that didn't make any sense.
-Kylee
Alison hated to read, so I would have been delighted if she had read in bed--but you're right, you can't allow him to break rules. I am a big believer in appropriate consequence!
I think you should stop stressing over Tony's concert schedule. It's really not that bad, and if he does have a late night or two, scale back on the schooling and let him rest. I thought one of the benefits of home schooling was flexibility in scheduling. There are other boys in the choir who don't enjoy that benefit and they do just fine.
What some parents wouldn't give for their children to want to read at night. My own read every night, until they get drowsy, and we consider it a blessing. We have had them read later than we'd like, and when they are tired the next day, we discuss that they shouldn't have stayed up so late reading, and their fatigue is a consequence.
As far as disobedience, when we have had children spend too much time reading (is there really such a thing?) one night, we simply make the next night a 'lights off' when you crawl into bed night - they used up their opportunity the evening before. Consequence in place, matter of fact, no moving furniture.
IMHO, the bottom line is this: Tony knew what your rules were, but tried to defy them anyway. It would have been error on your part not to follow through with what you laid out. If you would have given in on this, what might he have tried next time??? I'm a big believer in children who obey right away, all the way, in a happy way.
Your confirmation came when Tony himself thanked you. He thought it through and saw for himself the wisdom of your ways.
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