Questions and doubts

You know my friends, M and Lee? Their three kids, the J's. are 8 (as of July 23) 10 and 12 years old. M and Lee are very strict with who their kids spend overnight time with; in fact only Lee's grandparents, sister and my family are the only people the J's can spend the night with. That's a real complement for us. But, as far as being in public, the kids do not go anywhere in public be it the zoo, a summer camp or even church without at least one parent there. So if M or Lee can't make it, the kids don't go either.

Tony is at camp right now; you all know that. Lee's sister, Mae, has three boys - ages 14, 10 and 7. The oldest has been attending camp without family by his side since he was ten; the 10-year-old is at camp right now on his own. The 7-year-old has attended family camp, but is too young to be at camp without family.

Lee and M, on the other hand, won't allow that. Oh, the kids have done summer camp - but only during family camp. Last year, the oldest J REALLY wanted to do camp by himself. He begged and pleaded to go to camp other than family camp. His dad finally said yes, only if M could volunteer somewhere during the week. Oldest J could be in a cabin with a counselor, but M would be on the grounds as well. It took some convincing, but M finally got in for the week in the kitchen.

This year she is the head cook in the kitchen (not that she wanted to be, but was asked FOUR times before she reluctantly accepted.) The three J's are staff kids this year -the two oldest able to attend their camps, but otherwise they will hang out with her in the kitchen.

So here is my question. Who is doing the right thing? Mae and my family, by letting our kids go on their own to summer camp, or M and Lee refusing to have their kids go anywhere without the parents along. M and Lee have to let their kids explore the world on their own sometime. These kids are home schooled (like Tony), but when? And, will such a tight hold cause rebellion? There comes a time when you have to let a child practice the values you have instilled in him (her). When does that time come?

Another thing. The camp. Essentially among my crowd of friends, Angelo and I defected the loyal crowd and sent Tony to a different camp. M is at the camp in this state; she told me she would keep an eye on Tony should we decide to send him to camp. Am I so concerned by their tight control over their kids (which necessarily isn't a bad thing, but is it a good thing?) that I wanted Tony to be in a position to completely stand on his own? Do I want to prove to M and Lee that kids can be OK, safe, and even grow spiritually without mommy and daddy at their side every minute?

While my "official" reason for sending Tony to the camp in the other state is listed below in an earlier blog entry, these questions also bounce off the walls of my brain.

I know, I know, there is no one right answer, and what may be right for them isn't meant for me. I know all that. I guess what I want to know is what is going on inside M and Lee's brain. How do they see Angelo and I? Are we foolish for leaving Tony at a camp without us by his side - at camp SO FAR AWAY? I even question that because I have gotten vibes from them that ran along that line before.

I guess the bottom line is this. It doesn't matter. We made our decision based on the our facts and our opinions; and we feel that our decision was the best decision for our family. It doesn't matter what other people think, right?

I wish it were that easy.