Pardon the personal nature of this, but I have to see if I really am normal. As I’ve mentioned earlier, I haven’t been endowed with a great amount of self-confidence. I’ve had some hard knocks in life, and they’ve really hurt. This morning, I was reading an article on MSNBC on Marlon Brando’s death, and two quotes of his really stood out:
“I put on an act sometimes and people think I’m sensitive. Really, it’s like a kind of armor because I’m too sensitive. If there are 200 people in a room and one of them doesn’t like me, I’ve got to get out!”
“The more sensitive you are, the more certain you are to be brutalized, to develop scabs, never evolve. Never allow yourself to feel anything, because you always feel too much.”
I was really glad to see these quotes today, because this week I have been accused of being emotionally unstable. The accuser emailed a letter yesterday, that upon a brief glance looked like she was outlining several “evidences” to make such an accusation. I chose not to read the letter in its entirety and deleted it. I am just too hurt and upset right now.
But her accusations and the letter (the few words I did read) left me in doubt. That’s what bothers me the most; someone is questioning my sanity. I’ve had enough stuff happen to me; but don’t we all carry emotional baggage around?
My mom used to get upset at me when I was a girl and young adult because I carried my emotions on my sleeve. An argument or harsh words would leave me in tears. And unfortunately I do not have a duck’s back; hard knocks in life stick deep into my soul, they do not roll off my back leaving me unscathed.
So, am I emotionally unstable, or am I just an extra sensitive person who leaves myself vulnerable so I can continue to sense other’s needs?
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