We had the grand opening for our new church facility on Saturday; it involved two services. Since my flute and I are part of the music team, we had to lead the participants in worship for each service.
I had to play a duet with our music minister; a professionally trained gentleman who has conducted and performed on the world stages (or so says his vitae). My flute and I have limited experience, mostly beginners’ band in high school nearly 20 years ago. I have pulled it out once every few months or so since I graduated, but never to do any real playing; that is, until this past November when I joined the music team.
In speaking with a friend about the program, he could see that I was nervous about the piece of music I was to play. He asked me an interesting question. “VJ, are you nervous because you don’t have the self-confidence, or is because you don’t have the experience playing up front?”
This was a very interesting question, and one that hit close to my heart. You see, I have never been overly gifted in the self-confidence department, and my life’s experiences have eaten away at what little I do have. His question was quite deep, and I had to really think what the answer was for me. Was it lack of self-confidence, or could I pass it off as inexperience? I was used to being on stage, having been playing with the group since mid-November. But being front and center instead of behind the piano where I usually was; was it scary (inexperience)? Or was it intimidating (lack of self-confidence)?
The program is 30 hours in the past now; I survived, even received some complements, but I still haven’t found the answer to the question. Inexperience, or lack of self-confidence? I don’t know. But here’s another, even more disturbing question for me. Is a lack of self-confidence a habit?
Duran Family
